How Not to Win the Altador Cup  

Posted by kreai in ,

This article How NOT to Win the Altador Cup in The Neopet Magazine Issue 23 is really hilarious. So I thought I will share it with you all since we are all in the Altador Cup mood. This is about Altador Cup 2006 teams.

From Faerieland Fops to Brightvale Cheaters and Everything in Between ...

Playing for the Altador Cup is just about the highest honor that any Neopian can dream of. in such endeavors, teamwork is the key to winning, and ultimate glory is the reward. Getting there, however, is hard - really hard. Even the most elite Yooyuballers can sometimes be taken off their game, and the Altador Cup leaves no room for error. here's a look at what went wrong for some of last year's biggest stars and most talented teams.

I Support Faerieland!


Not to point any fingers, but Faerieland has the dubious distinction of scoring the least amount of points in the tournament. Derided as a bunch of fluttery lightweights, the Faerieland team sports an impressive arsenal fo forwards, but leaves the responsibility of stopping the other team's scorers to heartthrob goalkeeper Valtonous Rea.
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Unfortunately, he's better known for his shampoo endorsement than stellar tournament play. Demonstrating that appearance isn't everything, there was only so much that a lone Uni could do against Mystery Island's offensive barrage.

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Terror Mountain

Terror Mountain has been called "the worst team a fortune can buy," and that was certainly true during the tournament. It's hard to work as a team when your right forward is never around. Hypochondriac Tico Tems managed to show up for the Cup match, but thanks to a string of obscure medical conditions, it was obvious that he hadn't practiced with the rest of his team more than a handful of times. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
T's hardly surprising that the spotted Tuskaninny had no idea which way to jump once the Yooyus started flying.

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They were the little team that could, the fierce young upstarts who were destined for a surprise win... but the Cup came and went, and Tyrannia's fans were left still waiting for that surprise. It was a horrible moment of deja vu for Harlis Neyhbol, the goal-keeper who had previously retired from yooyball because he couldn't bring himself to catch the ball anymore.

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Though everyone wanted to know what had gone wrong this time, all the fire Grarrl could do was shake his head in bewilderment and apology. Sometimes the spark just isn't there.

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Despite being one of the best Yooyuball players in Neopia, Elon "the Black Hole" Hughlis nonetheless managed to sink Maraqua's chance for glory all by himself.
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Famous as the forward who never releases a Yooyu except to swish it into the net, the Maraquan Acara learned that Yooyuball has teams for a reason. one player simply can't win the game without help, no matter how skilled he is.

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One might think that going up against the shady Haunted Woods team would have given suspected cheater Montecito a friend among the foes, so to speak.
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Instead, the denizens of Neopia's darkest corner deliberately focused their attack on the skunk kacheek for the entire game. Whether his reputation was deserved or not remains in question, but evidently the Haunted Woods team wasn't willing to find out, because their rock-solid prison kept him from defending the goal - and kept Brightvale from winning the game.

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Mystery Island

With the enormous pressure that they face to win the Altador Cup, Yooyuballers are expected to make a few sacrifices for the good of the team. Still, knowing the difference between a small sacrifice and a major injury is crucial to one's health... a lesson poor Yaniq Avaan learned the hard way.
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Despite coming to the field with a severe injury that wasn't fully healed, the burly island Yurble ignored the pain and pushed onward, right up until a punishing flurry of goals from the Krawk Islanders brought th goalkeeper to his knees. As a result of this frightful barrage, Avaan wound up leaving the field of play, broken down and exhausted, before time expired. Alas, the mind may be str4ong, but the body has it's limits.

I Support Darigan!

Darigan Citadel

Long written off as lazy, the Darigan Citadel's team barreled through the tournament straight to the finals against the Haunted Woods and found itself suddenly in the spotlight. Perhaps that is what doomed the team and their title hopes. Left Defender Kep Bonnefie has been mute ever since, on the eve of the championship match, a collection of earlier articles that made numerous unflattering comments about her surfaced.
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When the team's newfound success prompted reporters to dredge up all those old accusations, Bonnefie's well of unspoken anger was apparently converted into serious aggression. The Darigan Buzz's meltdown in the championship game, which resulted in Bonnefie being ejected due to penalties, has since become the stuff of legend. Too bad she couldn't restrain that temper, or she might have been able to stop a few more goals instead of exploding in a silent tantrum and careening off the field in the last minute of the game.

The pressure to win is always heavy, and that pressure is never worse than at that Altador Cup, the pinnacle o Neopian Yooyuball play. Still, excuses are just that, and as most true Yooyuball champions would agree, the best response to losing is to get right back out there on the field and prepare for next time -- that is, after you've had a chance to calm down of course...

Source: Neopets The Official Magazine Issue 23

Personally, I feel that they should do an article for the Shenkuu team this year. So far none has been written about this new team. Nothing. And the cup is ending soon. I think Shenkuu has proven that they are a team to be reckoned with. They has defeated every team on the second round of the cup. Draw once against DC. Now that's a record that has to be recognized and accounted for.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 07, 2007 at 9:04 AM and is filed under , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


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